Gossip Girl presents: Anna Wintour

Insert caption here: The real Anna Wintour, as you've never seen her before, holding a coffee. Did she drink it? you'll never know

You may remember that a couple of a days I accidentally (come on, get real, I make no accidents) let slip the fact that I was meeting the fabulously plain Anna Wintour at Starbucks. Well, this just in: she's signed on to do an independent documentary with me. I only threw up the idea as a joke during the conversation, and she laughed her typical over-the-top laugh that she laughes. anyways, for what was meant as an icebreaker, she kept prodding at it throughout the course of the conversation, trying desperately to steer us back - from my input of freedom in cuba and the importance of public morality - to the film idea. her pathetic attempts at subtlety were so awkwardly awful, i had to put her ugly little chihuahua (which i found out later, was her son - must run in the family) out of the misery that was her unshuttable trap. so I reluctantly agreed, after downing my very long black til I couldn't think straight. though i warned her: "Anna, IMHO, you're fugly. your face can't even pass off as...art." i thought i saw that once-tough, but now wrinkly and saggy, shell of hers crack open and let out a tear. but then again, i remembered that once you're a senior cit you tend to forget how to control your bladder, so meh.
anyways, i analyzed my options afterwards and decided that the only way that i could make such a tragedy, was turn it into a comedy, a mockumentary, and also work under a cleverly disguised pseudonym. so the premise of the film is just her life, pretty much. i'll be (actually, i won't be, i'll just do some post-production voiceover recording), but i'll send my crew, my posse, my entourage, off to Anna and get them to follow her around 24/7, cause i'm sure sick of the damn attention i get from them. and then i'll get dickens or rouse to edit up some shit that the critics will snort up like coke, cause they're pretentious like that, and i'll send it to sundance - regular post, cause they aren't worth any real effort.
so, watch out for a groundbreaking documentary about Anna Wintour. i think it's rather confronting - ok, it's only the one toilet scene that's only slightly confronting - and i don't think anyone's ever attempted to do a doco on such a non-controversial subject. no one dares to touch her. omg, i'm so ashamed to be attached to such a fail of a film. never dealing with anna again. boycotted. for good.

x0x0,
GG

Disclaimer: The author wishes to stress that this is a fictitious account. Any relations to real people are purely coincidental.

iphone: the new mace

this just in: iphone saved my life. well, actually, it deleted another.
so I was walking through the Upper East Side when this suit came up to me and brought out this gun (later revealed to be a fake, but I didn't want to take any chances at the time). and was all like: "Yo bitch! i am not in a good mood. my porsche was repossessed so hand over your handbag...bitch" (exact words). I was not happy, cause this hold up would make Anna Wintour - who was waiting for me at Starbucks (where the paparazzi least suspects) and clearly did not know anything about being fashionably late, or just plain fashionable for that matter - a very unhappy woman. and that's when i remembered the exploding iphone story that was in the paper. So I pretended to give him my handbag and then I 'accidentally' dropped the whole thing and everything spewed out of it, onto the street. and there it was, the iphone that i had been planning to get rid of. I quickly grabbed it and smashed it into his head and he fainted. just to make sure he was really down, i quickly attempted unlocking it, and sure enough, it was heating up, and then it blew up. in his pants. and just to make sure he was dead, i grabbed his gun and tried to pull the trigger, but unfortunately it was a fake gun, so I just picked up my stuff and put everything back into my handbag, which i then threw into his pants, which were on fire, cause I couldn't bear to use anything that had touched the dirty ground of nyc. and it burnt and all these hobos gathered around the fire, cause they were cold. I'm kind of like a hero now.
So yeah, i survived a mugging today. and I got rid of a crappy excuse of a cell. killed two birds with one iphone, eh?

x0x0,
GG

Disclaimer: The author wishes to stress that this is a fictitious account. Any relations to real people are purely coincidental.

dickens

I have so much Dickens I'm so smart. Seriously, my friends all call me a nerd hag because of all the Dickens I have. My room is filled with his books i can't even move from one side to the other without knocking over ten piles of his books. and what's more, i live in a freaking mansion with massively high ceilings - they're all the rage - and book ladders - yep, i'm rich and i'll flaunt it. Most of them are old, like, first editions with a whole bunch of spelling errors and there's one really old and slowly deteriorating original manuscript, but he died before finishing it, so i don't know if its worth anything. anyways, you could call me the biggest dickens fan. Except I don't know why I have so much dickens. I only like great expectations, anyway, and plus, i only half like that. seriously, all the others are so lame. I guess i just like outbidding people on ebay, is all. that's where I got most of these, brill site if you haven't heard of it yet. gosh, these books take up so much space i think i'll burn them.

Insert caption here: i requested for my interior decorator to do a whole black and white theme throughout the home, but that was like, a week ago, so its well overdue for a redo

x0x0,
GG

DOS ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!

Insert captcha here: hundreds of readers emailed screenshots like this one, to me during the downtime. Why?...I don't know...

this just in: someone hates me. I'd just like to apologise to all of you for yesterday's incident, where my site went down. Thousands of you sent me emails, asking what happened to the site and wishing me well - you guys really got me through it, but whatever, it was only down for like, five mins or whatevs. Anyway, I can finally post you all the deets, now that my site is up again.
Ok, so here's the story:
Google called me personally yesterday to apologise about this whole fiasco, and they said that there was a Denial-Of-Service attack on my blog. They said my blog was targetted because of the sheer amount of traffic it was receiving - it's the number 1 page, in terms of links coming from Yahoo! Answers. Go figure. So these hacker dudes, like, totally got all these robot thingymajigs and like, overloaded my site. And they also did it to Twitter and Facebook - you may have heard about that - for good measure. So yeah - popularity can be a bitch. But you know, you gotta push through and all, kant let it get to you. NEwayz the important thing is that the site's back up, thank G.
So yeah, that's why you couldn't get on here. so, sorry to all my fans - especially those who like, attempted suicide and shit. better luck next time.

x0x0,
GG

P.s. I got an IOU from google for a private server, so it won't happen again.

P.p.s. To all those haters out there: you can't stop the gossip. you can take down my site, but you can't take me down. yeah, jobs, i know its you
Insert caption here: Fan or fiend? Jobs caught RED HANDED!!! and...OMG! Is that Vista...in bootcamp?!!?!?!?

x0x0

Disclaimer: The author wishes to stress that this is a fictitious account. Any relations to real people are purely coincidental.